Goal setting is something most of us do. Sometimes we really mean to accomplish the goals we set. Sometimes they’re more like a wish list.
Have you set a weight loss goal and then sabotaged yourself over and over again? Hundreds of women have come to me through the years with varying levels of desire to lose weight. I’ve had ladies who want to lose a few pounds but are generally happy with their bodies. I’ve had ladies who have been desperate to lose weight, coming to me after spending thousands of dollars on weight loss efforts that worked for a short time only, or didn’t work at all. Wanna know what I know? (I’m using my gentle voice). If you are sabotaging your weight loss goal, it’s not that important to you.
I know you think it matters to you. Stay with me.
We live in a world that stresses perfection. Movies scenes are shot and re-shot and clipped and editted and then finally set to a great soundtrack. (I’m always missing a great soundtrack in my own life – maybe you’ve noticed that as well. Hellooooo. Great moment here……Where’s the music???). Or take first kisses in the movies. Perfectly positioned. Exquisitely exposed. They chill and they thrill us. Not that I didn’t enjoy my first kisses – I’m just saying no one was beating down the doors to film them.
When we are desperate to lose weight (and I’ve been there), deep down, it is likely something else that we are desperate for. You can check off your own boxes here. They won’t all apply. But some will… We are desperate for love. We are desperate for attention. We are jealous. We are afraid. We are insecure. We are sad. We are vain. We want to be admired. We want to be respected. We want to be wanted. We want our bodies to speak as a definition to the things we aspire to be (disciplined, energetic).
There’s a difference between desiring something and feeling desperate for it. Most often, women who are desperate for weight loss are desperate for security.
If you are both beside yourself with frustration at your inability to stick with a diet and self-sabotaging at the same time, it is probably not because you lack will power or discipline but more likely that the closer you get to a weight loss goal, the closer you get to realizing that it is a bandage far too small for the wound you are trying to dress. We don’t give up because we are afraid to deal with our true insecurities. We give up because we don’t know how to deal with them, or we don’t think hard enough about where the hurt really is. And here’s the hiccup. We aren’t stupid. We realize that ‘skinny’ isn’t bringing ‘happy’, so seriously – what’s the point of giving up chocolate then?
I have a suggestion for you. Turn your goals around. Skinny isn’t going to bring happy. Face your fears. Address your secret sadnesses. Find healing in healthy places.
And then make your lifestyle goals about fun and fitness, not diet and weight loss. Healthy food choices and healthy body weight will flow naturally from an active life. Your Body Wise program has all the tools you need for menu planning and snack sizing. Relax into it. And in the meantime, set a goal you don’t need to sabotage. Join a walking, running, cycling or hiking club. Make sure there’s an event at the end. Set your goal, embrace the challenge of the journey, and celebrate your victory.
You are worth it.
You can do it!
Love Rae
